Teaching is not a job. It is a calling. Those who consider it merely a way to pay bills and fill the fridge are in the wrong profession.
I have no idea how most teachers become teachers. I only know how I became one. It was an accident, at least from my end. Fifteen years into spending quality time with adolescents I understand absolutely and completely that there is no other thing on God’s green earth I would rather do. Nothing.
These young folks surprise. Sometimes they are the freest beings on the planet. Sometimes they are little Atlases, burdened with all the cares in the world. Sometimes they have hearts as big as the universe. Sometimes they commit petty acts of cruelty. They are tribal and run in packs. And they can be absolutely ferocious in defending one of their own.
But almost every single one of these teenage creatures posses a laugh that will simply melt an adult unless he is made of coal. It takes so little to make them laugh. Why is this?
And more teen stuff: They have not learned of the evil that men do. These young types really have no idea of evil as what it really is, a creature, a malevolent being whose only intent is to destroy them.
Adults can be oblivious to what stuff is going around in a teenage head. Adults get so caught up in the responsibilities of parenthood and such that they come to believe that the smaller creatures in their care run on auto-pilot—give them food and mall money and all will be well.
So here comes another one of my ‘Indisputable Facts of the Universe.’ Every problem of every teen in this nation springs from the thoughtlessness or the unkindness or the cruelty or the ignorance of some adult. You see, it is we who teach these things to young folks. We teach them in how we act, in what we say, in the promises we do not keep.
Teenagers are not stupid. They have eyes. They have ears. And they are in no way as foolish as adults would have them to be. If you think they are, pardon me but you don’t know what you are talking about. You need to get out more.
Here are the basic needs of these young adults:
Love—lots of it, more than you think you can give. Pray for more love so that you can give it away. It’s free, you know.
Kindness—each and every moment. There is never an excuse—never, not ever—for cruelty.
Time—pay attention to those young creatures in front of you for they are more important than anything else in the universe at that moment they need you. And forget that pop-psych gibberish about quality time. It is quantity time adolescents need. If you will not give it to them I assure you someone else will.
And, of course, food. Adolescents are not particular about this. It amazes how many problems can be resolved over chocolate chip cookies. Sit down and eat with a kid.
They also have questions, some of which would befuddle Socrates but all of which deserve answers. Here is a selection of them, each with an answer. In no way will these answers be sufficient but I will do the best I can.
And you adults who are reading this: You might not like the answers I give but for the love of Heaven do not ignore the questions. They are asked by your child too—and also by adults whether they admit it or not.
Why do people become ‘friends’ with other people just to say they have friends?
Let us not make the common error of saying ‘friends’ when we really mean ‘acquaintances.’ Acquaintances come and go with the wind. Friends stay no matter what you do.
Some people treat friends as things to stack-up and show off. The belief here is ‘the more friends I can display the more popular I will be.’ Adults are prone to this error too.
It is hard for girls to make long-time friends from the 8th grade on through college. The reason is the competition for boys. As single girls become married women with kids they make friends with other married women with kids—perhaps their old school-girl friends now married and grown up.
Boys make friends in 8th grade through high school that they keep forever. Boys are different than girls, you know. Simpler too.
Why do people say they will love you forever, and then when you love them they walk away?
Jesus had a similar problem. Those 12 He chose to be His all abandoned Him, in spite of what they had promised. The lesson here is that an intimate love is like chastity and gold, a rare thing. And like those things it is difficult to find. It takes work and pain until it is found.
Love can burn with a painful fire. When one person says love he means a warmth like a candle. When another person says love she means an all-consuming fire. The candle-love person will be frightened away by the fire-love person.
The lesson here is to not give your heart away easily. Adolescents do this too often. Adults do it too seldom.
Why do parents think that when you get older your little siblings need them more than you do?
Because they do. When you were a babe your parents gave you all they had. Now that you are older they do the same thing for your younger brothers and sisters. You are expected to understand this.
Hard words, yes. But very true ones. When you are a mother you will do the same. Sometimes the best you can do is to help your parents in all things to do with your younger siblings. This is one way to spend time with them.
Not good enough of an answer I know. But sometimes the best we can do is not good enough. Life is like that at times.
Why does a good young man get into a wreck and never walk again, but a young man in a gang who got shot will walk out of the hospital?
This question and all of its forms has been asked by every human being since Adam and Eve—better, since Cain and Abel. The short answer is that there is no worldly answer that will satisfy. The long answer is to leave such things to God. He is under no obligation to give you an answer. Job learned this lesson, yes?
If you love Him—and not with candle warmth but with an all-consuming fire—you will understand that He is in charge. These things happened because He allowed them too. He knows what He is doing.
Of course this answer might not satisfy, but then it is a question of getting on your knees and going to the source of all Love. One day you might not feel the need to know the answer, though.
Why do parents think they know what is best for you, even if they are wrong?
Because they are usually right. Where you are now they once were. And when they are wrong they do not know they are wrong. No one escapes this confusion. But some Carpenter said to ‘honor your mother and father.’ He did not say to do this only if you thought your parents were right.
Most parent-child questions will be solved when the child herself becomes a parent. Yes, I know: Not a great answer. But obedience to parents is seldom a crime, while rebellion to parents almost always is. The Old Testament is absolutely clear on this.
Rebellion in the home destroys familes and nations. If you fear the state of our nation you need look no further than this.
Why can’t everything be fair?
You do not know what you are asking. A world where everything was ‘fair’ would be a totalitarian nightmare not fit for any human to live in. Was it ‘fair’ that Mozart played the violin superbly at 6? Of course not. Well then, let us break a few of his fingers so that he would play the same as everyone else.
Was it ‘fair’ that a Carpenter was executed for your crimes and for mine? No. But what sort of world would we have if this great ‘unfairness’ never occurred?
Fairness of opportunity is confused with fairness of outcome. But both are impossible. We are born with different traits and talents. This beautiful world celebrates such things. A world that did not would be intensely boring and not worth the time to live in.
When you find your life-time mate it will be the ultimate in unfairness that he loves you and does not love another. Will you complain at this unfairness? No, you will demand it.
What you really mean by ‘fairness’ is justice—the good are rewarded and the bad are punished. Human law does its best to achieve this. It regularly fails, but what of it? True justice is impossible on this earth. But we do the best we can.
Your question is one of theodicy. It has troubled theologians and philosophers for thousands of years. No answer in the here and now will suffice completely. You will have to wait until the There and Then.
Ok, enough for now. And of course my answers are too easy or simplistic or just not good enough. I plead guilty as charged.
Sometimes the questions asked by young men and young women have no answer in this world. Then it becomes simply a question of Love.
It is always a question of Love.
13 Comments;
Scipio: thank you, but i still think that i need to talk to you. im still confused, but whats new….but im off to church, so ill see you tomorrow.
Dear Asker: Understood. Be well.
Really enjoyed this one Mike! I sent it to some teachers I know, including my 1st Grade teacher. And sent also to some grandparents and parents.
The challenges you must face:
http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/002414.php
Dear Starlifter: I am honored. I bet those teachers will check for grammar and spelling!
Dear Mike: It is indeed similar, but one does what one can. It is a daily struggle. Sometimes I am up to it. Sometimes not. But I am getting more patient and understanding. God is always up to it.
I agree with you on the idea that every teenage problem traces back to the ignorance of adults. I believe this idea to be true because as teenagers we are rules to follow and if any of those rules are broken then we are, of course, punished, but this also means that we are given very very little independence which could lead to an inability for us to make our own decisions due to the fear that the decision would be a wrong one. On the other hand, I have to disagree with you on the idea that 8th grade girls cannot make lifelong friends but boys can. I think that there are some of us who will make lifelong friends and will always be as close as we are now (you know who I’m talking about)but there are many 8th grade boys who’s friendships will not last.
Dear Maggie: It is not and never has been a question of mere punishment of teens by adults. It is a question of guidance. What fool of an adult would allow a teen to walk along a path that the adult knew would crumble and send the teen to his death? Think of guiderails along a mountain highway. They exist to save your life. Ignore them in some foolish yelp of ‘freedom’ and you will be dead.
Moral and civic rules exist to allow true freedom—and life and the possibility of happiness.
Every parent must pray for Wisdom. Every child must remember to honor his mother and father. Both things are necessary.
Independence is not a gift. It is earned. We all know adults who handle their own independence very foolishly. It is not a question of age.
Every teen wants more independence. Fine. Such a desire is normal and healthy. But a teen who demands it without also demonstrating its concomitant responsibilities is not ready. To claim otherwise is mere pouting.
Responsibility takes many forms, Maggie. Responsibility to God, to parents, to friends, to society and—of course—to self. All such responsibilities must be fulfilled before anyone of any age is ready for the awesome challenges of adulthood.
Thus we have arrived at the issue that has bedeviled parents since Adam and Eve. How much independence to allow their children and when should it be a allowed?
About friends and the differences between boys and girls in acquiring and keeping them: My understanding is based upon 15 years of teaching and 30 years of adult responsibilities. There are exceptions of course, but the general rule remains.
I understand that all adults want for their children is happiness and a good life and good character and all that jazz, but how are teenagers supposed to believe that their parents can guide them down the right path when they don’t know evrything that happens in their teenagers life, which therefore means they do not know what the previous form of guidance has done? No teenager tells their parents everything that happens and therefore their parents do not have a clear idea of what path to send a teenager down. Also you say that there are adults who hadle their independence foolishly, well if this is true then why is that when a teenager earns any shred of idependence it is immediatly taken back when we step even the slightest bit out of line? If adults step out of line and use their independence, possibly, more foolishly than teenagers why is it that they are not punished as we are?i don’t know why adults think that all their decisions are for their childrens best interest because not all of them are. I believe that our parents have an idea in their heads about how their children should be. I know of many instances when parents have made a decision, thinking that it was the best one for their child but it ends up being that they just don’t know their children. There is alot to say over the topic of teenagers and independence but I’m not going to fight you on it at this very moment.
As for the friends thing…I’m not going to argue wioth you about it at all because I know i will end up losing.
P.S. It is sad that you say you have 30 years of adult experience when you are 52 years old!
Dear Maggie: Actually, I am 53—which of course gives your final Parthian Shot more weight!
God has allowed me many things in this life. It has gone at His pace though at times I kicked and screamed. Mostly I was not aware of Him though He was aware of me. It took many years and much time and effort to get me to adulthood. But the Carpenter was up to the challenge.
I should say that I did not really enter adulthood until 1989, when I was 36. It was then that I saw the Truth for what It was and placed my life into His capable Hands. So you may thus calculate my real adult years as 18.
Mind you, I am not in any way complaining. It has been a life filled with adventure, trials and heartbreak—a real life by any definition though lacking in many things that are common to the lot of man. But again, no complaints.
I would have it no other way. I could have it no other way. I have been immeasurably blessed, undeservedly blessed—in spite of myself.
The greatest earthly blessing He has bestowed upon me is the vocation of teaching. He Himself was a teacher. I follow along in His footsteps.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, that’s sweet!!!!!!!!!
I think this piece is very true.
Most of the time, parents do not know what is going on with thier own children. But there are parents out there that care TOO much (example : my mom). She tracts evertything i do. Yes, you may disguise this as her ‘caring’. Personally, i think its is just noisiness. I do not understand why adults beleive this is a good thing?
Also, most teachers do not know what is going on in thier own class rooms. Either the teachers do not pay attention or do not know exactly what to do. I find that sad. I have personally seen that happen.
And a last thing, the years ending but i regret not talking to you earlier like most of my friends have.
(I have not realized how much i get off the subject of things! Amazing!)
Dear Emily: If you think you get off the subject, what about me and my lectures!
Parents who do not know what is going on with their children do not talk to them enough. Talking involves trust. If that trust has broken down it is not easy to repair.
Your mom is right to keep a close eye on you. Every mom should do this! It is part of love—but it can be annoying, yes?
Many parents over the years have asked me if they should monitor their children’s’ e-mails. Without hesitation I say “Yes!” This can be called ‘caring’ or ‘nosiness.’ But perhaps a better word would be ‘love.’
Emily, when you get to be a mother the strongest desire you will have is to keep your children safe in an unsafe world. That will involve you doing some things that your children will find annoying. But do them anyway. They will understand one day.
You are right, some teachers seem oblivious to what is going on in the classroom. Being aware of what is happening in a class full of squealing adolescents involves an understanding of how teenagers behave and think when they are around their own kind. It is unusual to find this talent in adults.
You will always be able to talk to me, Emily—until Christ calls me home.