I left Oklahoma City on a 107-degree clear and sun-baked day. I arrived in Portland with the afternoon overcast and rain threatening. Typical. It rains here 180 days a year. When folks ask me why I left Portland to come to Oklahoma—with a 14 year detour in Central and South America—I tell them the rain. But that is not the real reason. It is the politics and the culture here, both of which would be perfectly at home in San Francisco.
When West Coast types hear that I live in Oklahoma, the reactions vary from nervous laughter to sneering disdain. They see Oklahoma as a place of rednecks, guns, flags, horses, country music, trucks, Bible thumpers and Republicans. They are right.
I considered dressing less Oklahoma-like when coming here so as not to scare the locals. When in redneck land I sport Wranglers, cowboy boots, Stetson and Western belt. And of course my .38 Smith and Wesson is always at my side. If any nut case comes into a Sunday service when I am there and thinks to shoot to death a bunch of Christians, he will get an unwelcome surprise. Several, actually, all made of lead and traveling at 2000 feet per second.
I would enjoy going to my death never having shot another man. But that choice will not be mine to make.
In my 4 years in Oklahoma City I hardly have seen any bumper stickers supporting this-or-that liberal cause or politico. In Portland they are everywhere. Folks here slap them on their cars like badges of honor. They are simply advertising that they are members of the Liberal Tribe.
Which is why I decided to dress ‘full Oklahoma’ here. I am letting the locals know that I am not one of them, that I do not belong to their tribe. I get stares, sure. And my cowboy booted stride is a bit noisy. Suits me.
Sodomy is big here. The mayor-elect is a practicing homosexual, a point he made absolutely clear when campaigning. In Oklahoma candidates for office try to ‘out-Jesus’ each other, boasting about their love of God, Country and Family. I would bet that a man who bragged about his addiction to anal sex with hordes of strange males would not go very far in Oklahoma politics, ya’ think?
My brother and his family are Believers—you know, all that God, Jesus and Atonement stuff. Their home reminds me of a Roman fort built in barbarous lands. These served as the first stages of Roman conquest and occupation. If the US is ever again to be a house undivided the barbarous lands of the West and East Coasts will have to be conquered and occupied.
The effete barbarians among us scoff at such talk, but when push becomes shove they need to remember that the US military is by and large made up of Southern men who like guns.
End of argument.
9 Comments;
Mr. A-
I have found a few mistakes in this article.
1. Not all of Oklahoma is “redneck land”, take a look at Bricktown and downtown OKC, that is NOT “redneck land”.
2. “And my cowboy booted stride is a bit noisy. Suits me.” You, my friend, are more than a bit noisy. I remember days where you would teach WHOLE classes yelling. You are LOUD, not a bit noisy.
I think that is all for now, if I find more I will be sure to let you know.
MK, no hard feelings, but I beg to differ. All of OK is redneck land..even bricktown and OKC. This is all I have to say on the entire post. I don’t feel like arguing today…
Dear Miss MK:
Oklahoma is all ‘redneck land’ in the same way that New York is all ‘liberal land.’ Not all New Yorkers are liberal, but so many are that the entire state is controlled by a liberal elite and votes and governs accordingly. There certainly are Democrats in Oklahoma, but because the vast majority of Okies are conservatives, those few malcontents do not at all matter. Their entire lives here are irrelevant to the political culture of the state.
They should move to New York. They probably would complain less, and their ‘Obama’ stickers on their Audis and Priuses would not stand out.
True, I am noisy at times. Consider that I am 55 and need from time to time to let the world know that I still live.
Dear Bess:
You are right. Even if one did so argue that Brick Town and other sundry parts of OKC were not really redneck, imagine a bunch of San Francisco types trying to burn an American flag there. Those girly males would come to understand some things about the culture here, and rather quickly at that.
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Do not fret, dear Scipio. We have dealt with southern men who love guns before. We will do so again if the need arises. Barbarians love guns too. And Barbarians are thorough.
Didn’t Pagan homosexuals invent democracy?
Dear Skraeling:
I never fret. Worry not.
I do not know who that ‘we’ is you mention, as in ”We have dealt with southern men who love guns before.” If you mean the US Civil War, it was ‘dealt with’ to the tune of 620,000 dead out of a population of 30,000,000 whites. Now that the coastal inhabitants of the US have mainly ceased joining the military, it is Southern men with guns who compose it. Do you think we will turn our guns toward our fellow Southerners?
Barbarism and a willingness to use violence are not the same thing. It is violence—men with guns—that upholds civilization.
Homosexuality in the classical world had very little in common with homosexuality as it is termed today. One cannot use the term ‘homosexual’ when speaking of Socrates and then use it again when speaking of today’s sodomites.
If you think that Oregon is bad, just imagine what we have to put up with in most of western Europe…
Dear David:
I could not stand either place. If forced to choose it would have to be Oregon, where my brother lives. At least in Oregon I could escape from time to time to the wilds of Idaho and Wyoming.