Archive for category Weird

Islam’s Flight From Reason

All the world has seen—and continues to see, alas—how Moslems get all riled up when somebody says anything about Islam. When that happens the usual thing is for them to do their rabid cattle shtick: rampaging, burning, screaming, murdering, blowing stuff up and such. We have seen it so often and for so long that when Moslems take to the streets for some offence no matter how trivial, a normal person simply shrugs and says, “There they go again.”

Let us compare the reaction of Islam to the reaction of Bible thumping Christians when their faith is insulted. I wrote these words three years ago.

Say what you want about those fundamentalist Christians, they sure seem a rather calm lot. Insult them, take away the prayers of their God from schools, make fun of them in the media, use all sorts of legal wiles to keep them far away from abortion mills, remove their Ten Commandments from public spaces, make movies where Jesus marries, write plays where He practices sodomy, write books that call the whole edifice of Christianity a sham, and what happens? Not much. They keep going to their churches to pray for their enemies—and they seem to have lots these days. Yet they always turn the other cheek. You can create a piece of ‘art’ called Piss Christ or one with dung spread all over an image of the Virgin and all you will get for your time will be a few complaints and more of those prayers for your soul. That’s it.

We can break down these fun facts even further to include most faiths.

When a Catholic gets angry he goes to Confession. When a Protestant gets angry he gets on his knees to God. When a Buddhist gets angry he spins a prayer wheel. When a Hindu gets angry he sighs that he has not yet achieved a higher existence. When a Confucian gets angry he mourns the loss of modesty. When an agnostic gets angry he mumbles to himself over a scotch and soda.

Ah, but according to the defenders and apologists of the ‘religion of peace’ when a Moslem gets angry he has the right to go on a killing spree.

Oh…and guess who Islam blames for all this murder and rapine? If you guessed the Jews, move to the head of the class. Here is an ex-Prime Minister of Malaysia speaking four years ago about a bombing in Morocco where Moslems blasted to pieces other Moslems. Please keep in mind that Malaysia is an Islamic nation said by many to be advanced and enlightened.

The Prime Minister said that the series of terrorist suicide bombing attacks in Casablanca were a direct result of Muslim anger at the “aggressive policies of Israel against the Palestinians.”

So let us get straight his line of reasoning: when Moslems kills Moslems it is because of the Jews. When Moslems kill Jews it must also be because of the Jews. When Jews kill Moslems it is of course because of the Jews.

Got it.

Here is another gem, from Egypt.

Egyptian newspapers claimed that chewing gum Israel was selling in Egypt was laced with sexual hormones that aroused insatiable lust in young Arab women. Palestinian officials later followed with charges that Israeli chewing gum was a Zionist plot for turning Palestinian women into prostitutes, and “completely destroying the genetic system of young boys” to boot.

So Moslems are threatened by Jewish chewing gum?

And I love it when Islam gets right to the point.

On March 22, 2004 Sheikh Atiyyah Saqr, former head of the Al-Azhar Fatwa Committee who in the past issued a Fatwa declaring Jews “apes and pigs,” was asked the following question this week in an online chat room: “What, according to the Qur’an, are the Jews’ main characteristics and qualities?” The following is his answer: fabricating; listening to lies; disputing and quarreling; hiding the truth and supporting deception; rebelling against the Prophets and rejecting their guidance; hypocrisy; wishing evil on people; feeling pain at others’ happiness and feeling happiness at others’ afflictions; rudeness and vulgarity; murder of innocents; mercilessness and heartlessness; breaking promises; cowardice; and miserliness.

Did the good sheik leave anything out?

To make things really entertaining, would you like to be a Jew living in a Moslem land? But oddly enough, the freest Moslems in the Middle East are citizens of—now prepare yourselves all you dhimmis and Paulistas—Israel.

But Islam has another enemy as well. One that threatens the very foundation of the faith. It is the Barbie doll.

Stick-wielding Saudi religious police were raiding toy stores and gift shops in the desert kingdom to seize anything related to the Western holiday season, including flowers, candles, stuffed animals, Barbie dolls and other items considered evil.

There has been no word yet about Ken. 

Does not all of this seem a bit odd? As if there has been in Islam a tremendous flight from reason?

If any of your friends or associates suddenly began to believe in such things what would you think? How would you react if you saw them curse chewing gum and behead Barbie dolls? Quite right, you would say that they have gone mad. You would consult a psychiatrist.

Yet when Islamic nations prattle such obvious nonsense they are to be taken seriously. Ambassadors are exchanged, scholarly studies are written, Islamic Study Centers appear on US campuses and so on. How can an action that when practiced by an individual be recognized as insane, yet when practiced by a whole host of nations be termed respectable?

The one reason—the only reason—we pay attention to these irrational and spiritually impoverished people is  oil. If the Islamic Middle East were known primarily for tasty Macadamia nuts no one would give it the slightest notice. Its importance in American life would be on the level of, say, Ghana.

Of course, there are always the appeasers among us, those who blame America for all things goof-ball and deranged in the world of Islam. They constantly bleat and wring their schoolgirl hands about our reputation in Moslem lands, seeking an answer to the question they themselves always pose: “Why does Islam hate us?”

My answer is, “Why should we care?”

(Note: An excellent source for translations of newspapers from the world of Islam is MEMRI.)

Paulism

There is something rather peculiar in the foreign policy thinking of those who follow Ron Paul. Their thoughts are an odd farrago of irrationality and historical nonsense I call ‘Paulism’. It is as if the disciples of Paul have no knowledge at all of something called ‘Islam’. Truly they are and they remain innocent of Islam’s history.

For a True Believer in Paulism Islam was peacefully existing in its Middle Eastern arcadias minding its own business. But then along came the United States of America. This imperialistic nation, using force, guile and mendacity began to interfere in everything Islamic, seizing territory and oil and waging incessant war upon the followers of Religion of Peace. These noble fellows responded just as our Founding Fathers did and resisted the invader.

Everything Islam does, has done and plans to do is therefore justified. It is a case of an oppressed people doing whatever it can to throw out the Americans who have brought such misery to Moslem lands. September 11 was simply payback—Paulistas use the term ‘blowback’—for the horror the US had brought to Islam was now being brought to America.

It is a simple case therefore of cosmic justice. America’s chickens are coming home to roost. She deserves it. She has earned it. If our nation really wanted peace she would withdraw from Islamic lands and allow the peaceful Moslems to return to their own business.

That is the core of Paulism.

Many Paulistas have written about my views of Paulism. I responded as best I could, but neither history nor logic could penetrate their mindset. They refused to abandon their beliefs that Islam was innocent and justified and America was guilty and deserving.

Here are two Paulistas who well represent their dedicated brethren. Consider the view of Islam held by this Paulista who will not believe that a despotic Islam hates a free and democratic America:

The simple fact of the matter is that Islam was every bit as unmodernized in 1928 as it is now, and the United States was, if anything, more free than it is now.

So if Muslims hate us for our freedom, they should have hated us even more then than they do now.

Strangely, the Hoover administration did not have any problems with militant Islamic terrorists attacking US interests.

Now why might that be?

Well, it embarrasses to remind this fellow that Islam could not get to the US in 1928. And it is again odd that this Paulista has no awareness that in 1928 Islam was rather busy wrapping up the murder of 1,500,000 Armenian Christians—one of the greatest genocides ever recorded. What in Heaven’s name did these Armenians do to deserve this ‘blowback’ from Islam?

The Paulista continues, providing in a nutshell the core thinking of Paulism:

The simple fact of the matter is that the absence of militant Islamic attacks on the United States prior to 1948 make it obvious that the roots of militant Islam’s hatred of the United States are political and not cultural, and that those who would try to make this a Huntingtonian clash of civilizations are deluded.

Here is all of it: Innocent Islam, guilty America, Islamic hatred therefore justified. It is impossible to break down this core belief.

Another follower of Paulism gets right to the center of all of this:

The US military is occupying their lands, installing tyrants to rule over them, and interfering in their internal affairs. These people are pissed and fighting back the only way they know how. And, unfortunately, that means attacking citizens.

Translation: Islam had no tyrants before the US intervened in Islamic lands. And now anything Islam does in response is justified.

Again: Islamic innocence. American guilt. Islam justified in responding however it can.

Paulistas see no evil in the world except in the heart of America. Through the core of their faith runs the propaganda of bin-Laden, Noam Chomsky, Michael Moore and Ward Churchill. There is nothing in Paulism that demonstrates a knowledge of Islamic history or an understanding of America’s place in the world.

Delusion, ignorance, fanaticism, irrationality—all traits of Paulism. And all traits of Islam as well. This explains why Paulistas have no problem whatsoever with Islam.

In all foreign policy essentials Paulism and Islam are identical.

Paulistas

I recently posted a couple of pieces about Ron Paul. This caused quite stir among his supporters who immediately rose to the defense of their hero.

Some posted lengthy and eloquent explanations about Paul. Some stressed Paul’s good points—and like all madmen, he is not mad at every point and all the time. Some were simply dolts. But all illumed for me thenuttiness of Paul. He and his followers remind me of Lyndon LaRouche and his.

Quite simply, Ron Paul is a kook.

There is no difference between the foreign policy of Ron Paul and that of Michael Moore. Both compare our Founding Fathers with Islamic killers. That at least was clear from the writings on my site.

But read them yourself. And no, I will no longer respond to their writings, but I will allow them to write. They amuse and educate.

And something else was clear. These ‘Paulistas’ will excuse any action of Islam and place blame for its every outrage at the door of their own nation.

For some clarity about what passes for thinking among the Paulistas, see this video.

Ron Paul will of course never see the inside of the White House unless he schedules a tour of it. No doubt his followers will shout about conspiracies—as did those of LaRouche.

Neither Ron Paul nor his supporters can possibly come up with an explanation of Islamic terror. Concerning the recent attempt by Islamic killers to murder thousands of Americans:

The story is always the same: radical Islamic terror. The storyline is the same, too. But an element of Western opinion always wants to obscure it, turning a blind eye to the ideology of hate that motivates these would-be murderers. The root-causes crowd has little interest in that root cause. No, it must be poverty (even when the terrorists turn out to be comfortable, well-educated, and fully employed); or the Palestinian issue (even though organizations like al Qaeda have barely mentioned the Israeli–Palestinian dispute, and some terror targets, like Bali, had no rational connection to it); or, it goes without saying, George W. Bush and “his” war in Iraq (no matter how many attacks occurred before his presidency).

What would a Paulista say other than to blame America? 

One cannot reason with the Paulistas. One can only marvel at the political wisdom of our Founders to have created a political system that will forever keep a Ron Paul from the presidency.

(Hat tip: Moonbattery)

Death To Us All

It is no secret that the environmental movement has it out for mankind. Since its beginnings in those goofy and absurd years of the 1960s it has always preferred the bird over the African, the owl over the lumberman, the snail darter over the landowner. It has demonstrated its preference for animals over man time and time again.

I am sure that you are not surprised at this. But as Dr. Johnson said, “We need to be reminded more than instructed.” Here are some reminders.

This headline sums it up:

Children ‘bad for planet’

Some group called Optimum Population Trust has written a paper recommending that families have at most two children. Why do they think this? Glad you asked.

The effect on the planet of having one child less is an order of magnitude greater than all these other things we might do, such as switching off lights.

The decision to have children should be seen as a very big one and one that should take the environment into account.

We humans thus need to control our population, otherwise we will encourage the dreaded global warming.

Having large families should be frowned upon as an environmental misdemeanor in the same way as frequent long-haul flights, driving a big car and failing to reuse plastic bags.

The dreary and wrong-headed prophecies of Paul Erlich, that dean of ‘population explosion’ fanaticism, still thrive among the chic environmentalist set. These effetes are always scolding normal people about the cars they drive, the light bulbs they use, how much water to allow in toilets and how much paper to use.

It does no good to simply ask these pests to please go away. I fear that we shall always have them with us.

But if they really took their philosophy to its logical outcome they would simple disappear as a group, since none of them would have children. They would be as the Shakers, an odd religious group that banned sex among its members. Have you heard of any Shakers recently?

But wait, there’s more.

Some other environmental group—these things spring up like earthworms after a rain—goes all the way. A bunch of fanatics who call themselves the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society is not satisfied with one or two children per family. Not good enough. It calls man a ‘virus ’ and an ‘AIDS of the earth.’ It kindly recommends the following:

No human community should be larger than 20,000 people and separated from other communities by wilderness areas.

We need vast areas of the planet where humans do not live at all and where other species are free to evolve without human interference.

Sea transportation should be by sail.

Air transportation should be by solar powered blimps when air transportation is necessary.

We need to stop flying, stop driving cars, and jetting around on marine recreational vehicles.

And of course there are too damn many human viruses on the earth. The group recommends that the population be reduced to less than one billion. I wonder how such a mass die-off is to be arranged?

Now let’s see: Any guess for which party environmental groups vote? Yes, they vote for the lovely Democrat Party. Al Gore—their hero and god—almost became president after all.

So the Democrats support exterminating you before you are born—abortion—exterminating you if you get too old—euthanasia—and now simply exterminating you.

I am glad we got that cleared up.

Shooting Arrows At Dragons

It is said that the ancient Chinese would shoot arrows at an eclipse to frighten off the dragon that had covered the moon or the sun. Since eclipses are temporary phenomena the Chinese believed that such a display of their skills at archery did the trick.

When I lived in Argentina there was an organized political protest. At a certain time on a certain day—in the evening as it happened—the good citizens of Buenos Aires were to open their windows and bang pots and pans for several minutes. This was to inform Argentine officialdom that the people ‘were mad as Hell and weren’t going to take it anymore.’ Sure enough, at the appointed hour a calamitous racket began and lasted three minutes.

Alas, the government of Argentina still stood the next morning, none the worse for wear, and conducted business as usual.

Silly folks both, one might say. Perhaps. But few societies—none, actually—escape some silliness. We live in an age filled with conjured marvels and manufactured evils. Even though Western Civilization has proved wildly successful at protecting its citizens from the litany of horrors common to all men in all ages—fun things such as plagues and the fall of civilization—we yet fall prey to absurdities. We spend time and treasure banging pots and pans and shooting arrows at dragons.

Such idiocy was on display yesterday in Sydney, Australia. These headlines introduce the sorry tale.

Sydney Blacks Out for Global Warming

It seems that the good and true citizens of Sydney decided that they were mad as Hell and weren’t going to take it anymore—the ‘it’ being global warming. They were going to show the world what a serious people can do when sufficiently aroused.

Mayor Clover Moore, whose officials shut down all nonessential lights on city-owned buildings, said Sydney was “asking people to think about what action they can take to fight global warming.”

Restaurants throughout the city held candlelit dinners, and families gathered in public places to take part in a countdown to lights out, sending up a cheer as lights started blinking off at 7:30 p.m.

Cheering as the lights went out? Yes, just as I imagine the Chinese did when the dragon hightailed it away from the moon and sun.

And the usual extreme imbecility was on display from the artistic community.

“It’s an hour of active, thoughtful darkness, a celebration of our awakening to climate change action,” said Oscar-winner Cate Blanchett, who attended a harborside function to watch the event.

From such a statement one must wonder if Blanchett has had an hour of ‘active thought’ in her entire life.

Those simpletons who organized this bizarre event wish to make Sydney return to a pre-industrial state, almost an Aussie version of Gilligan’s Island—no phones, no lights, no motor cars.

Such imbecility, like syphilis, is passed from adult to child.

Children waved glo-sticks and sparklers while parents picnicked and sipped wine.

“It was quite sweet, actually, because the kids started chanting ‘turn them out, turn them out.’ You can see now the city’s a bit dimmer,” she said toward the end of the hour.

The lights of that city were not the only thing that became ‘a bit dimmer.’ Reason and rationality took a beating as well.

And the response from some as Sydney was sent back to the Dark Ages even if for a limited time?

“It’s absolutely fantastic, there’s a mood of enthusiasm and hopefulness and action,” Bourne said. “I have never seen Sydney’s skyline look so dark.”

If the dark is so appealing then why not blast to smithereens every power plant in the city?

Once a blackout was used to protect a city from squadrons of passing bombers. Now it is used to protect a city from logic and sense.

Compared to the fools of Sydney the Medieval folk were paragons of rationality and wisdom.

And how odd that the marvelous edifice of Western Civilization, 2500 years in the making, is being dismantled piece by piece by the very ones who have gained the most from it.

The evolutionists are wrong. We are not evolving but devolving. We are returning ourselves willingly and thoroughly to the condition of the forest beast, the jungle aborigine and the barnyard animal.

Heads Up!

You may file this under ‘Who gives a d***?’ or ‘Oops!’ or perhaps ‘Pop goes the weasel!’

I see where Saddam’s half-brother Barzan Ibrahim went to his 72 virgins courtesy of the hangman. More precisely, the half-brother went in halves. His wretched head was ripped from his wretched body by the force of a hanging wretchedly done. The executioner misjudged the length of rope that should have merely snapped the neck of the killer.

Back to night school for this woeful incompetent!

Apparently the hangman forgot to memorize his ‘drop tables’, a set of simple but gruesome equations that determines the amount of rope necessary to compensate for the weight and length of the body of the soon-to-be-dispatched.

A person could weigh an amount that required a length of 8 feet, but because his neck is particularly scrawny, his head might come off.

‘Scrawny’? The fellow looked fairly well-fed to me. Anyway, he certainly had no intention of hanging around after his demise.

That executioner can go here to read how hangings are supposed to be done. But why should anyone expect competence from the Arabs anyway?

It only goes to show that, you know, when things go wrong, they go very badly wrong in Iraq.

So it is ‘Bush’s fault’ yet again!

And, um, what exactly ‘went wrong’?  

Perhaps this is a sign from God that just as Ibrahim was ‘partitioned’ perhaps Iraq should be as well.

I hope one of those virgins is a competent seamstress.

Rest In Pieces, Ibrahim. And prepare a room for Castro.

(Hat tip: The Brothers Judd)

Fat, Miserable And Perverted

I got back from the woods just in time to catch the latest from the debauched and overeducated freaks who infest academia. It is a new discipline, a long needed and essential study on the Brave New World of combining an overactive fork with sexual degeneracy.

So move over Quantum Mechanics, here comes…‘Fat Studies.’ It seems that there are ‘women’—no, that is not quite the right word. Better to use ‘females’—out there who simply cannot give up that 5th helping of pumpkin pie.

Not only that, but they insist that their consequent obesity is a choice. They pretend that their unappealing visuals are to be celebrated rather than be used as marketing devices at Jenny Craig seminars.

Naturally most men shun such rotundities. The reasons they do so are not at all hard to understand, but such a discussion does not recommend itself on a blog such as this one. To do so would be to go beyond the bounds of a decent delicacy concerning the things that pass between men and women in their more intimate moments.

So these obesities, rather than seek to appeal to the opposite sex in the usual way through a reasonable waistline and pleasant demeanor, chose to embitter themselves and scream ‘Discrimination!’ from the rooftops. Society oppresses them, you see. And such terrifying cruelty rather than multiple visits to the buffet line explains their empty beds.

Fat Studies is thus a way to understand how and why

the super-sized are marginalized, the way excessive girth is seen as a moral failing rather than the result of complicated factors.

And just to add to these ‘complicated factors,’ Fat Studies is matched—naturally—with Lesbian Studies.

Proponents of fat studies see it as the sister subject — and it is most often women promoting the study, many of whom are lesbian activists — to women’s studies, queer studies, disability studies and ethnic studies. In many of its permutations, then, it is the study of a people its supporters believe are victims of prejudice, stereotypes and oppression by mainstream society.

And so we have the privilege of witnessing the birth of a new group of victims, all of whom will demand taxpayer largesse, government programs and a whole set of discrimination lawsuits.

And these are already on their way. Here is one such damsel, Amy by name, angry about being charged a double fare.

I was barred from boarding Southwest Airlines because I refused to comply with their “customer of size” policy by purchasing a second seat.

Even though I’ve been some degree of fat my whole life, and certainly have gotten my share of ridicule and rejection because of it, being refused a public accommodation hasn’t been part of my experience.

This poor female has her own blog. Of course she is a lesbian, but it gets worse: She practices something called ‘lesbian separatism.’ (And no, I will not describe it for you although I am absolutely in favor of it.) To read of her life and musings is to explore the further reaches of female unpleasantness, degeneracy and misery.

Black Studies, Women’s Studies, Peace Studies, Anger Management Studies, Queer Studies, Transgender Studies, Latino Studies…now we are to amuse ourselves with Fat Lesbian Studies. And do we need to wonder to which political party such students of such studies belong?

The good news is that we will now win the war on terror—our enemies will laugh themselves to death.

(Hat tip: Alabama Liberation Front)

(Update: Get ready, get set, here they come! And a tip of the hat to Moonbattery for the photo.)

 

What Men Fear

I have traveled my share of the world’s rural byways. On these seldom tread paths I have run into the odd, the weird and the bizarre. Such things are unavoidable when you venture into ‘wild, weird climes, out of space, out of time.’

The Lost White City of the Maya has long been rumored to lie somewhere between the headwaters of the Paulaya and Platano Rivers in the jungles of the Mosquito Coast in Honduras. During my second attempt to find it (1989) I was stuck for a time in the Caribbean town of Trujillo.

In those days I was broke, and so always sought out the cheapest accommodation possible. This meant the Hotel Central. It was a terribly ramshackle affair, chock full of bugs and myriad crawling things. Of course there were neither lights nor running water.

During the night I had to search for the toilet. The thing was in the basement. I noticed something strange when I found it. The water in the bowl was filled with ancient urine and moldering feces. There was no method to flush the thing other than fill up a plastic bucket with river water and pour it into the bowl. This chore had been long neglected.

I accepted the inevitable. Putting the flashlight between my teeth I began to loosen my pants. Then that I noticed that the goo in the bowl was moving. It looked like a pot of boiling stew. A closer look showed a huge brown rat stuck in the bowl. It tried to extricate itself from the mess it was in, but the slime inside the toilet did not allow the wretched beast to get a decent grip. And so every attempt to escape ended with the animal sliding back into the grime.

Had I squatted over the toilet before noticing that rat, the thing would have been able to use a dangling part of my God-given anatomy as a life-line to freedom.

Every male who has read what I just wrote most assuredly shuddered. And with fair reason. But now I present to you a tale so shocking, so terrifying, so damned grotesque that children will be sent fleeing in horror upon hearing it. Men will become pale with fear. Women will clutch their men and girls in a vice-grip of protection.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the candirú (Vandellia cirrhosa).

It is a type of catfish that was certainly designed in Hell. The candirú is found in the Amazon and its tributaries. It is small, perhaps an inch in length and pencil-thin. It has an odd habit of swimming into the human anus and genitals. It is attracted to urine and blood, and has been known to swim up a urine stream and enter the urethra. When there it erects spines to hold it in place and begins to feed on blood and tissue.

The pain of such an attack is simply beyond words. Men have been known to cut off their penises after a candirú infects them. There is no cure except for surgery or the following:

A traditional cure involves the use of two plants, the Xagua plant…and the Buitach apple which are inserted…into the affected area. These two plants together will kill and then dissolve the fish. More often, infection causes shock and death in the victim before the candirú can be removed.

For good reason the candirú is more feared than the vastly over-rated piranha.

Here is a first-hand account of a candirú attack. It is not for the faint of heart. Some amusing excerpts:

The fish penetrated the victim’s urethra while he was standing in the river urinating, actually emerging from the water and entering his penis…He reported trying to grab hold of the fish, but it was very slippery, and it forced its way inside with alarming speed. The candirú’s forward progress was blocked by the sphincter separating the penile urethra from the bulbar urethra. With the passage blocked, the fish had made a lateral turn and bitten through the tissue into the corpus spongiosum, creating an opening into the scrotum.

So the next time you have a desire to seek out ancient Honduran toilets or to venture into the Amazon basin do take care. You have been warned.

The Latest In Terror Gangs

Forget the Colombian drug lords. Forget the Russian mafia. Forget the Crips and the Bloods. Forget Salvatrucha. Forget al-Qaeda and the Hezbos.

There’s a new gang in town. Compared to these entirely ruthless fellows, those guys above are weaklings and pacifists. This new terror group has hundreds of thousands of members bent on robbery and killing. And they are almost everywhere—certainly in all 50 states.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

This gang made its first appearence in Washington state. It struck with a violence almost unheard of. One young family member was attacked by gang members and killed in her own yard. A stay at home mom said of the attack,

It was vicious. They were focused on ripping her apart.

Another resident still weeps for her own family member who was killed by the gang. She was so ripped to pieces that it was hard to identify the corpse.

After these outrages the town had an emotional meeting about the rash of killings. People mourned and cried. What was to be done?

Locals have begun to carry lead pipes and pepper spray in case of attack. Even officials have stated that it is the gang that is in control of the streets.

What is the name of these new terrorists? They call themselves—actually, we call them—the Racoons. Why that name? Well, because they are…racoons.

People in Olympia have been feeding these beasts so long that the racoons have lost their fear of man. Now they roam in packs and harrass humans for food. They also kill pets seemingly for the sport of it.

And how are those brave souls in Olympia shaping up after being the victims of so many terror attacks?

It may sound silly, but a lot of the people here truly feel scared and terrorized.

By raccons! What would these Blue-stater Kerry supporters do if al-Qaeda moved next door?

 

Who Goes There?

An odd headline out of the northeast caught my eye this morning.

‘Hybrid Mutant’ Found Dead in Maine

For 15 years citizens of the Pine Tree State have been haunted by some weird beast that lived mainly in the shadows. Locals have “reported seeing and hearing a mysterious animal with chilling monstrous cries and eyes that glow in the night.” Only a few had ever gotten more than a cursory glance at the thing. One who did said

It was evil, evil looking. And it had a horrible stench I will never forget…We locked eyes for a few seconds and then it took off. I’ve lived in Maine my whole life and I’ve never seen anything like it.

This ‘maybe monster’ was blamed for the killing of numerous animals. People speculated that it might be some bizarre offspring of a dingo dog and a wolf or coyote. But its luck ran out when it was struck by a car. Locals examined the body, which seemed to one person to be part dog, part rodent.

It was charcoal gray, weighed between 40 and 50 pounds and had a bushy tail, a short snout, short ears and curled fangs hanging over its lips…It looked like something out of a Stephen King story. It’s an evil looking thing.

So just what was out there? Hard to say. A few photos were made but by the time officials arrived on the scene vultures had picked the carcass clean.

Reading this story reminded me that what we call ‘the wilderness’ is yet wild, full of things unseen and only dimly imagined. We city folk scarcely venture out there anymore. Our ancestors simply hated the wilds, and could not wait to cut the forests and push back the shadows and unknowns of the Primeval. Now we organize our empty land into what are really comfortable and safe theme parks like Yellowstone. We visit such places and fancy that we have had a wilderness experience.

Not so fast. There is more to our world than we know, than perhaps we want to know.

In the Chaco of Paraguay in 1937 or thereabouts a wild pig, called a jabalí, was shot by a farmer. When the dead animal was inspected the man was perplexed. He had hunted and shot many kinds of things, but nothing like the creature that lay at his feet. The farmer packed the beast in salt and took it to Asunción. A biologist there stated that the pig was of a species thought extinct for millions of years.

But then South America is full of such tales. One cannot read stories of the first white men to venture into the Amazon Basin or around the Tepuys of the Venezuelan grasslands without reading of rumors of strange beasts roaming about, creatures such as Plesiosaurus. It was exactly this part of the wilds that gave Sir Arthur Conan Doyle his idea for The Lost World.

One can believe them or not, but such tales crop up so often that there must exist in the civilized subconscious some fearful and atavistic memories of rough times long ago. Of an age when fire was the only thing that kept away the dark of the wilds.

Such memories would do much to explain Western man’s desire to build roads through the wilderness, to plant cities there as if to raise flags of conquest over territories once inhabited by demons.

But sometimes those we thought vanquished remind us that they are still out there, waiting. Perhaps their days will come again, a time when the Maine Monster and that Paraguayan boar will be as close as our doors and as plentiful as our nightmares.